


lead me through the black roses

by lixie420



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Clubbing, Dacryphilia, Drunken Consent, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Making Out, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of religion, Mentions of self-harm, Minho is confused, Pining, Power Bottom Felix, Power Bottom Minho, Smut coming soon, Teasing, catboys are power bottoms i dont make the rules, felix is going thru shit, felix sexy outfit, first chap is a bit vague soz for a bunch of exposition, hyunjin and felix go to a catholic university together, hyunjin is .. hyunjin, implied eating disorder, insufflation, jisung is in love w minho, mentions of child abuse, mentions of opiates, mentions of stimulants, mentions of weed, minho and jisung are roomies, minho is the best person in the room, smut in the next chapter, sub top hyunjin, sub top jisung, tags will be added as chapters are added, themes of corruption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:21:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27086233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lixie420/pseuds/lixie420
Summary: minsung meet & fuck hyunlix at a club (with a fuckton of slowburn pining and weird side issues): the fic"Shut up-" Hyunjin complained, digging his nails into Felix's waist, making him gasp. Hyunjin couldn't take that, resting his forehead on Felix's shoulder in confusion and desperation. "I don't know what's going on, but let's go to that fucking club. I'll do your makeup, alright? Make you even sexier-" He smiled, finally finding his voice and lifting his head to look down at Felix. He was flushed, eyes dark, but it looked like he'd held himself together."Will you follow me tonight?" Felix grinned, cocking his head.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 22
Kudos: 110





	1. you sing my songs, but you only know the chorus

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO!!!
> 
> after the luv for my chanlix fic i was super motivated to work on smth bigger. so this will probs be like 2-4 chapters long depending on where it takes me!! its kind of...experimental and messy but i hope u like it!!!
> 
> this fic contains some dark themes which are tagged, pls dont read if those trigger you, even if the mentions of them r small. just in case!! if u want smut only pls skip to chapter 2 once i upload it <3

> _ "I’ve learned to value failed conversations, missed connections, confusions.  _  
>  _ What remains is what’s unsaid, what’s underneath.  _  
>  _ Understanding on another level of being." _  
>  _ \- Anna Kamienska _

* * *

Say good morning to the sunlight, to the cobweb-laden ceiling, to the cramps radiating down your lower thigh, to the precious little slice of heaven curled up peacefully on the other side of the unfortunately spacious bed. Say good morning to the shouts of drunkards stumbling through the streets like bumper cars after god knows how many benders and ragers. At least Jisung had graduated from that stage in his life.

At 21, he'd managed to successfully conquer the basics of adult life:  
⦁ **secure a place to live** \- yes, albeit he wasn't financially stable enough to be able to contribute to the rent just yet. But don't think of him as a parasite, please. The owner of the flat, Lee Minho, who is very much the best person alive, is jobless and all of his expenses are paid by his parents.  
⦁ **secure some source of income** \- yes, albeit not a legit one just yet. Jisung had recently come into a substantial supply of marijuana, and he was currently paying for his food by selling it off bit by bit. Unfortunately, Minho had developed a taste for it, and so there was no longer as sizable a surplus as Jisung had hoped there'd be.  
⦁ **secure some serious style** \- yes, albeit Minho would likely disagree with that statement. Jisung considered himself a fairly handsome and fashionable young adult male, but Minho insisted on the fact that he got frequently mistaken for a high schooler meant he wasn't there just yet.  
⦁ **secure some action** \- this one was one Jisung admittedly had some trouble with. Jisung tended to freeze up whenever things went beyond sarcastic flirting with someone, which wasn't even all that often. This lack of game resulted in him being a little pent-up most of the time. Especially these days.

That aside, he was very proud of what he'd accomplished, considering where he was at just a year ago. He didn't talk about it, and Minho didn't mention it. Minho didn't mention a lot of things. In that aspect, he was a good roommate, and thank God Jisung had grown close enough to him to, for lack of a better term, leech off his good fortune a bit.

However, this closed-off nature of his meant that there were certain topics that were never broached, no matter how pressing they may be on Jisung's chest. Some things, strange things, made Minho uncomfortable. Jisung would rather walk on eggshells than be someone who disregards those reactions, since they must come from somewhere.

"Wakey wakey-" Jisung cooed irritatingly, draping himself over Minho's blanket-encased body like seaweed. Minho responded with a full-body flinch, a jolt so powerful that Jisung was actually dislodged. A thick inhale of air through his nose that was half-snore, an ugly groan and odd-looking stretch, and he was up. Blinking the sleep from his heavy lashes, he flitted his eyes over to Jisung as he sat against the headboard.

Jisung had never known anyone to look as pretty in the morning as Lee Minho, had never known anyone to look as pretty in general. That's why Jisung had begun to talk to him in the first place - the elegant-looking boy who sat by the station smoking a joint, at 5 pm like clockwork. Jisung had figured out that schedule pretty fast, considering he'd usually take the train from the city to his parents' place around that time.

"Mornin," Minho said simply, still clearly groggy. He slumped out of bed, giving Jisung a nice view of his brief-clad legs and ass as he did so. Not that Jisung was actually observing said view, it's just important to note that the view was offered up. Talking to Minho got easier with time, but there was still an untouchability to him, the way he noodled beneath Jisung's questions the way a cat contorts to evade a hand -

Jisung rose too, capturing his roommate in a back hug. Minho got visibly flustered by this, as he always did, tips of his ears flushing red as he tried to squirm out of Jisung's thin arms. "Not this early, please-" He whined, grabbing Jisung's wrists and forcing them apart, breaking free of his prison. Jisung's heart hurt, but only a little. Only the usual amount.

* * *

> **LINO98:** 만약 인생을 다시 산다면 당신을 더 빨리 찾을 겁니다   
>  _[ **view translation:** If I were to live my life again, I’d find you sooner. ]_

It was always in the smallest moments that Jisung's heart crumbled. Little chipping away, little hammer, little pick. An unflattering photo with a cornball caption wasn't something that should have him slumped over on the toilet, sobbing onto his bare thighs mid-shit. He knew it might just be the alcohol. He hadn't drunk in a long time, after all. He probably shouldn't drink ever again.

He liked the post. Commented something rude. 

* * *

"Jisung, darling, you really can't go dressed like that. You're supposed to be arm candy, after all." Minho scolded upon seeing Jisung's choice of dress. Just jeans and a clean shirt - he hadn't known he was supposed to be fancy for this. It was just a club, after all. Jisung had never been to a gay club before, only the standard variety - and those weren't all that great if you asked him. Too much fucking and puking, no matter where you turned.

But Minho had insisted that gay clubs were more fun - the music was better, the people were cooler, and it might not be that hard to get laid. Jisung was, after all, in Minho's words, 'not awful if you're into twinks'. Still - the thought of all those bodies, all those people, all those eyes in one place - it made Jisung's head spin. That was the real reason he'd never been much of a club guy. But he had two grams of weed, a couple of benzos, and a very experienced Minho by his side.

"How am I supposed to dress, then? You help!" Jisung whined, flapping his arms up and down as he frowned at Minho. Who was stunning, by the way. Jisung hadn't forgotten, but he felt as though it was pointed out to him all the damn time. His eyes were framed by mascara-laden lashes, a thin border of red glitter liner across the lids, and they stared into Jisung's soul something awful. His pants were _leather,_ for Christ's sake - an ambiguously kinky harness over his white button-down. Jisung didn't even know that Minho owned something like that, but he wasn't complaining.

"Fine, I'll help," Minho said calmly, picking up a pair of scissors.

* * *

> I took the little scroll from the angel's hand and ate it.   
>  It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach turned sour.  
>  **Revelation 10:10**

Hyunjin pulled a red glitter highlighter out of his pencil case, running it along the thin pages of his bible, watching the paper stain red, sparkles glittering under the harsh light of the classroom. His own stomach churned, acids sloshing around with nothing to digest. He usually didn't go this long without food, but no matter. He'd make it just a little longer.

The sound of cheerful footsteps perked him up. Felix entered the room, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as he had been for the past couple of weeks. It was a welcome change, seeing Felix finally find his confidence, whatever had been the cause. Seeing him play the shrinking violet role for so long had been a little aggravating, though admittedly it'd made Hyunjin look prettier in comparison. That was always a plus.

"Ready to go?" Felix asked, cocking his head. Even his clothes were different, though this change was _new_ -new. Gone were his rotating cast of khakis, his ironic shirts. In their place was an outfit that made him look a little too fuckable for Hyunjin's liking, slim-fitting pants and a billowy white button-down that hung slightly off of one shoulder. Hyunjin pulled a face that must've been obvious. "Hey, what's that look for? Does it look bad?"

"No, it looks...fine. Where'd you get those threads?" Hyunjin asked, leaning back in his chair lazily. He undid his ponytail, letting a sheet of silky blonde hair caress his shoulders. Maybe he'd felt a little threatened - but with his hair down, Felix didn't stand a chance. Hyunjin smiled to himself as he stood, packing his things and making his way towards his smaller friend. That was another thing - Hyunjin had a height advantage. He hadn't quite cracked 180, but a 1cm difference wasn't visible, so Hyunjin lied anyways.

"I bought them yesterday! My mom took me shopping as a reward for the improvement in my grades." Felix smiled. He'd been on his way to failing his first year of college, but after his shockingly good marks on some of his recent exams, it seemed like he might be able to pull through after all. This was good, because Hyunjin wouldn't like to be seen as the older of the two, although he was. "You always complain about my clothes, so I tried to pick things that looked nice-"

"You did a good job," Hyunjin said, ruffling Felix's hair. Upon closer inspection, it seemed like Felix was wearing a bit of...was that makeup? Just a little, barely noticeable, but it was there and it was weird and suddenly Hyunjin had a pit in his stomach and he didn't know why. He swallowed, repulsed by the taste of his own saliva. "We should get going."

"Alright." Felix smiled, following Hyunjin like a loyal dog. He reached into his tote, pulling out a crinkly paper bag sealed with a pink sticker. As he opened it, a cloying smell filled the empty hallway of the university. "Here, I saved one for you!" He said with enthusiasm, handing Hyunjin a sticky glazed donut. Hyunjin's mouth watered.

He took a bite and couldn't help but moan with pleasure, causing Felix to let out a surprised laugh. "What was that? Is it good?" Felix asked, watching Hyunjin with curiosity. Maybe it was just the hunger, but Hyunjin had never tasted anything so delicious in his entire life. His taste buds applauded, his entire mouth lighting up in ecstasy as he scarfed it down, consequences be damned. "You told me you like honey-flavored things, right? That was the last one they had. They're limited-edition, so you might never taste it again!"

* * *

> **JINNIE00:** 생일 축하해, 천사! 당신이 이미 어른 이니 믿을 수가 없어요!  
>  _[ **view translation** : happy birthday, angel! i can't believe you're already an adult!]_

Felix hadn't wanted a party, though Hyunjin had been more than happy to arrange something given his love for and god-given talent for event planning. So instead, they went to the mall for some ice cream. It was the little things in life that delighted Felix most, and Hyunjin found it disgustingly charming, to the point where he wanted to throw up.

But as it turns out, he wasn't the one who ended up throwing up that night. As they stopped at the convenience store on the way home, Felix surprised Hyunjin by sneaking a bottle of cheap wine into the shopping basket. Hyunjin raised his eyebrows, but Felix simply shushed him with a coy, puzzling smile.

He drank the whole thing himself as soon as they exited. Hyunjin tried to stop him, but Felix laughed like mad and ran away, sprinting across the road and narrowly evading a car. Hyunjin was thrust into a panic, yelling and holding onto his beautiful head of hair in confusion as he watched Felix down the rest of the bottle from across the street.

** "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE?!" **

** "I'M AN ADULT NOW!" **

** "THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD CHUG A WHOLE BOTTLE OF WINE WHILE YOU RUN THROUGH TRAFFIC!" **

** "NOTHING HAPPENED! JUST LET ME LIVE A LITTLE!" **

** "YOU'RE GONNA GET SICK! YOU HAVE ZERO TOLERANCE!" **

** "I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING CHILD!" **

Even from across the street, Hyunjin could see the fire in Felix's eyes. Cars passed between them, but he got a good eyeful, and what he saw made his blood run cold. Sweet little Felix, eyes dark, whites growing visible below the iris as he tilted his head down, panting but still holding eye contact. He looked _feral,_ and Hyunjin was too bewildered to stop him when he broke out into a run, slowly disappearing from view.

Little puke splatters like a breadcrumb trail.

* * *

"Your parents aren't home today?" Hyunjin asked upon entering the house and hearing a startling silence. He tossed his bag onto the floor, kicking off his shoes as he watched Felix scramble around trying to lock the door, put away his shoes, and hang up his bag all at once. He turned to Hyunjin with an expression that Hyunjin couldn't recall ever having seen on his face before. He looked like he was up to no good.

"They aren't. They actually won't be back until next week, they're visiting my grandma in Australia right now." Felix explained, politely waiting for Hyunjin to enter the house proper before he followed suit. "I didn't tell you because I thought it would be a nice surprise for you, I know you don't get along with my parents that well-"

This was true. In fact, Hyunjin could say with certainty that he hated Felix's parents. Devout Catholic missionaries, they were about as uptight as you'd expect. Getting permission to take Felix places was always a hassle, even after he'd come of age - they treated him more like a pet than a son, and even though Hyunjin didn't think this was right, Felix didn't question it, therefore it wasn't his business.

Wasn't his business when Felix got smacked on the head like a child for poor table manners.  
Wasn't his business when Felix curled up on his mother's lap while they watched a movie.  
Wasn't his business when Felix would answer the door sobbing, fake smile beyond forced.

"Yeah, fuck your parents." Hyunjin declared simply, walking into the living room and making himself comfortable on the couch. "No offense, but I still don't understand why you don't just get a job and move out. It'd be easy, and plenty of places are hiring right now." Hyunjin didn't work, didn't really want to, but he knew someone like Felix would be of great use in retail.

"Yeah, maybe. We'll see." Felix said with an ambiguous smile, sitting down next to Hyunjin with his usual carefulness. "But let's not talk about that right now. Or them. The point is, the house is free." 

"Yeah, so...we can watch whatever we want? I can vape inside?" Hyunjin speculated, trying to get to the heart of the matter. Clearly, Felix was excited about something, but Hyunjin wasn't sure what - usually when someone said 'the house is free' with that kind of smile, it meant either sex or a house party. Both of those things were definitely off the table where Felix was concerned, so Hyunjin set his sights a little lower.

But perhaps he shouldn't have, because Felix rolled his eyes and draped an arm around Hyunjin, causing him to stiffen with apprehension. Surely Felix wasn't making a move on him, right? Pure, sweet Felix? Little virginal missionary boy Felix? Hyunjin didn't know how to process the possibility that Felix might be going for him, didn't know how he felt about it - it might be fun to try, right? 

"More than that," Felix said, voice dropping a little lower. A shiver went down Hyunjin's spine when he saw the look in his eyes, dark and excited and mischievous. So Felix had wanted him all this time? Hyunjin supposed it couldn't be helped. He shut his eyes, melting into the touch. "I was actually thinking that since I don't have a curfew...we could go somewhere?"

Oh.

Hyunjin felt stupid for a second, but quickly opened his eyes and acted as naturally as possible. Felix giggled, seemingly having noticed. He booped Hyunjin's nose, an annoying act that had Hyunjin scrambling out of his arms. "Silly, what's with you today?" Felix smiled, trying to catch him. He was all playful and sweet and there was something _really_ wrong here, but Hyunjin couldn't seem to put his finger on it. 

" _You're_ the one who's being weird, but whatever-" Hyunjin groaned, standing up. "Where were you thinking of going?" Felix remained on the couch, slithering up to a sitting position. He looked up at Hyunjin with strange eyes. 

Yellow eyes, big honey orbs with slits for pupils and sharp, sharp fangs. A forked tongue slid past his full lips for a moment, just a moment, and then Hyunjin blinked and everything went back to normal. He wasn't sure if he'd seen it or not, considering it had all happened so fast. His stomach growled.

He must just be hungry.

* * *

"Oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad.”  
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Lee Minho was 22 years old today. Since he couldn't remember what it felt like to not exist, it seemed as though his existence had been eternal. He had no true perception of time - for him, yesterday was a faraway land that only existed in faint memories, memories that came to him in foggy still images, and foggy still images alone.

There were some constants in those hazy snapshots: his parents, teachers, the family doctor, a few friends - but really, Minho's opinions of those people were fluid and wont to change at any given moment. If there was anything he'd learned in these past 22 years, it was to never trust anyone. If he was prickly, then you'd have to excuse him, because the world itself was prickly.

It was more reliable to remain alone, and so alone Minho sat on his birthday, legs spread out across the concrete station steps as he reached into his bag to retrieve his grinder. He'd left himself a treat just for this very occasion. Opening up the bottom compartment carefully, checking for wind, he made sure it was there - and of course, it was. The entire thing was full of pressed kief, the top still glittering yellow-green under the amber light of sunset.

He retrieved his pre-rolled cone and gently began to stuff the powder inside, watching in satisfaction as the joint grew fuller and fuller. He had enough to fill a good two-thirds of the cone, and that was plenty. Minho had a high tolerance due to a solid six months of daily smoking, but this was going to be far more potent, from what he had heard.

Before he lit up, he quickly scrolled through his Spotify playlists, searching for something suitable.

  
He was tempted to listen to something sad, but it was his birthday after all, so he put on 'In Da Club' by 50 Cent and got out his lighter. The sweet sound of 50's voice filled his ears, calling Minho his Shawty, insisting that it was his birthday and therefore he was going to party accordingly by sipping Bacardi. That made Minho happy, and he smiled to himself as he lit up his joint, watching the end go from deep black-red to bright orange as he inhaled.

The difference between plain weed and kief was immediately apparent, or maybe it was just placebo - Minho felt a little light-headed when he started to cough. Undeterred, he brought it to his lips again.   
And again.  
And again.  
And again.   
And again...

** "HEY! WHAT'S UP? YOU LOOK A LITTLE DOWN, BUDDY!" **

Minho immediately jolted at the loud voice, eyes wide with fear. He looked up, pausing his music and becoming aware of the fact that he was sweating. And dizzy. He felt good, though. He felt just fine. After a deep breath, he forgot all about being terrified and focused on how saturated with color the world was, how fast the blood was pumping through his veins, how hard it was to keep his eyes open or his head straight. 

Oh, right. The voice. Minho was scared again upon remembering he'd heard a voice, and quickly went back to scanning the area for where it could've come from. Suddenly, a peal of loud laughter filled his ears, and he was able to identify the source. A young man standing right in front of him - how could he have missed it? Was he high? Oh, right. The joint. Minho brought it to his lips and inhaled again, locking eyes with the man.

Or...boy, maybe? Maybe he was younger than Minho had thought upon first glance. He was a couple of inches shorter than Minho, a scrawny thing with big eyes and bigger teeth. "What do you want?" Minho asked, voice hoarse and rough from the smoke. The boy approached him and sat down on the steps, not enough space between them to be polite. Totally uninvited. On Minho's birthday. 

Rude!

"I just wanted to talk, that's all. I see you sitting there every day! But all this time, I still haven't seen you smile-" He continued. Minho, despite being high, saw through him immediately. This kid was clearly freaking the fuck out right now trying to talk to him, an absolute anxious mess, and yet he was fighting against that instinct and willingly subjecting himself to those feelings, even putting on a fake smile as a mask - just to talk to Minho? Why bother? It was interesting, he'd give him that.

"People don't usually smile to themselves, do they?" Minho said absentmindedly, handing the joint over to the boy. Seems like the kid could use it. Oh shit - abort mission, Minho couldn't be caught giving weed to a minor. "Wait- you're not 20 yet, never mind-" He stammered, before the boy laughed, taking the joint anyways.

"Actually, I turned 20 last month. I can show you my ID if you want me to prove it to you." He smiled. "I'm Jisung, by the way. Thanks for sharing - you know, you don't seem all that nice at first, but turns out you are!" Minho frowned at the gall of the brat, not entirely believing him but allowing him to take a drag anyways. He immediately went into a coughing fit and handed it back, arm trembling and causing the joint to spill ash everywhere.

Minho waited for him to finish.  
It took around 3 minutes.

"I'm Minho." He said, putting out the roach on the concrete. Jisung had coughed for so long that Minho had finished the joint alone and was considerably high. Had he been sober, he wouldn't even be sitting here with a stranger, but high Minho was far more tolerant of those around him. "It's...nice to meet you, I guess. And yeah, show me your ID. I was thinking about it while you were coughing, and there's no way you're 20."

Jisung scrunched his face up, seemingly offended, before searching through his pockets and producing a very dirty ID card. Minho took it from him, observing the sticky stains before checking the year of birth - surprisingly enough, he'd been telling the truth. Turned 20 in September. "Do you roll on this thing? There's kief stuck all over it. You could get in trouble, y'know." Minho advised, passing it back.

Jisung looked a little horrified before feverishly wiping the card on his jeans. Minho stood up, having finished what he came here to do. He was high as fuck and would prefer to enjoy the next two hours in a warm place, with some nice food. But Jisung looked so pitiful there on the steps, staring up at him with big eyes as if waiting to be invited along. This was the worst. But Minho was a good person. So even though he was stoned, and it was his birthday, he took a deep breath and asked Jisung if he had enough money to take him out to eat somewhere.

* * *

> **J.ONE:** 오 마이 갓 마이 베이비 ~<33
> 
> _ [ **view translation:** oh my god, my baby~ ] _

"Hey, Jisung-" Minho yelled out, the apartment being small enough for Jisung to easily hear him and come running. Minho threw his phone down on the mattress, rolling over so he was flat on his back and staring up at him. "Can you delete that picture?" He asked, faux-politeness dripping from his voice and clearly throwing Jisung off.

"Why?"

"People will think we're dating. I thought you didn't like that sort of thing." Minho smiled, picking up his phone, thumbs ready to comment barf emojis lest Jisung refuse to delete the photo. Holding in barf emoji, barf emoji, hospital emoji, man walking emoji, police emoji-

"I don't care what people think, I only care what you and I think, y'know?" Jisung said off-handedly, smiling as he saw Minho's comment. Minho groaned.

* * *

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”  
**― Michael J. Fox**

With your eyes shut, everything changes. Of course, you can still hear, smell, feel - but since you are unable to visualize where those stimuli are coming from, your brain can fill in the blanks with whatever it desires. It takes skill to truly conjure up a vision behind your eyelids, but after years of training, it could be accomplished.

You can create anything. An endless pool of strawberry water, a bed of blue clouds that drifted along at the perfect pace, a meadow of lavender that wrapped around the entire earth - angels floating around, their wings gently brushing over skin, their fingers drawing closer, almost touching-

"Felix, you've got something in your hair. Did you not wash it last night?" asked the angel, fingers caressing Felix's silky platinum locks. "You know you're supposed to wash it before you sleep, and if you forget, at least have the decency to wash it in the morning - you've been lazy these days, you know?"

Angels wouldn't say such things, and it wasn't worth blocking out. Felix opened his eyes and looked over at his mother, whose pupils were pinned, chocolate brown irises glittering under the cheap chandelier. "I didn't have time, I'm sorry. It's just a piece of paper, though-" Felix said with a polite smile, reaching up and removing the offending object, hiding it in his fist.

His mother reached out and wrapped her thin hand around Felix's equally thin wrist, urging him to stand before leading him silently down the hallway. Felix did not protest, did not say a single word. He wondered if it was possible that he'd ceased to exist - in reality, he was going up the stairs, into the bathroom. But inside, he was going down into his bunker to hide until it was over.

He felt his clothes being forcefully removed, but inside he was curled up under a blanket, resting peacefully while he listened to his favorite song over and over.

_ When will it end, Oh when will it end? _  
_ This sopping wet towel of stupidity _

He stood naked on the shower tiles, feet daintily placed on either side of the drain. He felt the water wash over his body, felt a warm, soaped-up rag running roughly over him, making him wince. The shampoo in his hair dripped over his shut eyes, but it could not enter. Felix finally allowed his arms to drop to his sides.

_ Supplicated to the fawn, fold back my pajama sleeves _  
_ Take a look at what I have done  _  
_ You can protect nothing. _

His mother grabbed his wrist, examining his arm. She ran her thumb over the fresh cuts and Felix bit his lip, trying not to cry out in pain. He didn't dare look her in the eye. This was bad enough. But he was sick and tired of it all, he just wanted to get on with this so he could go back to his world. Leave the bunker. He did not want to hide.

"Why did you do this? People will see. They'll think I'm a _bad mother_ , Lixie-" Her voice was weary and dripping with concern, but Felix felt nothing. He grabbed the showerhead from her and rinsed himself, yanking his arm away in an act of defiance. It was the wrong thing to do. He knew this, but he felt it was important that he set a boundary there and then.

_ Beat beat me to death, I said it - _  
_ Beat beat me to death - Gray death, beat me - _

He felt the first hit, but after that, he was able to shut it all out. Half an hour later, he heard the door lock behind him. Luckily, there was no place he'd rather be right now than in his room. The fluffy towel wrapped around his body did little to soothe the humiliating ache of his rear end. Choosing not to think about it, he got dressed as though nothing had happened.

When his phone rang, he answered with his usual cheerful tone. It was Hyunjin on the other line - Hyunjin was the worst. But Felix continued to smile regardless. "What's up?" He asked.

"My life is over!" Hyunjin wailed dramatically. Since they weren't communicating face-to-face, Felix rolled his eyes. "You know that cute guy in my class that I was sure was into me? You know the one, right? The one with braces? Anyway, he's not single! But get this - he was single until last week when some twink snatched him up! Fuck my life, I'm gonna die alone-" Felix shut his eyes as he listened, trying not to laugh. Hyunjin seemed genuinely upset, and somehow, hearing about his troubles was soothing.

"You won't die alone. Actually, I had a really good idea about this exact thing - maybe in a couple of weeks I'll tell you." Felix smiled. Hyunjin groaned, voice crackly through the phone, but Felix swore it was like he was really there.

"Why can't you tell me now?" He whined.

"Good things take time."

* * *

> **JINNIE00:** 쉿, 조용히 해, 아기가 자고있어!  
>  _[ **view translation:** Shhh, be quiet, baby is sleeping! ]_

"Ah, when was this picture taken?" Felix asked, not recognizing the occasion but appreciating Hyunjin's cute post anyways. Hyunjin looked over his shoulder, smiling. 

"It's from a couple of weeks ago, actually! I found it while cleaning out my phone gallery. You were so tired that day, I remember! You totally fell asleep on me in the back of my mom's car, she was worried about you!" He giggled, recalling the incident. Felix struggled to conjure up that day in his mind - it was hazy, but he did sort of remember it.

"I was just a little sleep-deprived, that's all." Felix smiled, knowing that those days were in the past now that he'd discovered what God was really all about. Felix knew now that he had no owner, and there was no concrete set of rules that he had to follow. Many things were not right or wrong, but morally grey. The same way one wouldn't say gardening is holier than ceramics, brownies are not more sinful than a salad. 

"Yeah, you've been looking a little more well-rested these days." Hyunjin grinned fondly. "A little chubbier, too!" Felix knew not to take the teasing as a direct attack. He was skinny in anyone's eyes, and Hyunjin didn't mean it. A younger Felix might've cried. But 20-year-old Felix only laughed.

* * *

" _You_ want to go to a _club?_ " Hyunjin stammered, baffled. Felix expected that sort of reaction, so he ignored it, allowing Hyunjin the time he needed to process this new information. He rifled through his closet, searching for the outfit he'd picked out just for this occasion. His parents didn't know about this particular purchase - they'd never have approved it.

Hyunjin was too busy blathering away about the unexpectedness of this turn of events to notice Felix start to undress. By the time he was done with his monologue, Felix was only in his briefs, starting to pull on the shorts he'd picked out the other day. "What are you doing?" Hyunjin snapped, eyes scanning over Felix's bare torso.

"Getting dressed...I can't go to the club in what I was wearing before-" Felix explained, doing up the white shorts. They came up to about an inch below his belly button, and they barely covered his ass. There was the voice of his mother in his head, of God in his head, but he knew that he no longer had to listen to those voices. The pit of shame in his stomach had slowly unfurled into a beautiful, dark flower of defiance.

"Those are-"

"Short? Yeah, I know." Felix giggled, pulling on the shirt. It was a longsleeved white fishnet top, a panel of thicker lace in a halter shape over the front that came down to the end of his ribs. Hyunjin was still staring in horror, and admittedly, Felix was getting a curious thrill out of this whole thing. Never before had he made Hyunjin look like that, never before had he held all the cards.

By the time he pulled up his thigh highs and turned to face Hyunjin properly, the poor thing had hidden his face in his hands, whining about Felix being the devil's child. That insult, driven by surprise and fear, felt more like a compliment than anything anyone had ever said to Felix. He approached Hyunjin slowly, running a hand down his side and biting his lip when he shivered at the touch.

"You should find something pretty to wear too, hm? You wanna stand out a little, right?" Felix said, voice low. Hyunjin looked him in the eye for a moment before giving him the up-and-down and couple of times. "Don't look so horrified! I know it doesn't look as awful as you're acting like it does-" He chuckled, play-slapping Hyunjin. Just a little, but Hyunjin whimpered at it like it hurt.

"It doesn't look awful, I'm just...I didn't know you were...capable of...being...well, look, don't ever quote me on this, but- you look kind of...sexy? What happened to you, Lixie?" Hyunjin finally managed, looking genuinely bothered by what he was witnessing. Felix just smirked. He'd never seen Hyunjin this scared before, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't getting off on it at least a little.

"You think I'm sexy?" Felix giggled, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin's shoulders. Pressing their bodies together. Hyunjin didn't like being hugged, but he relented, holding Felix by the waist, fingers absentmindedly playing with the holes in the fishnet. "Is that why-"

"Shut up-" Hyunjin complained, digging his nails into Felix's waist, making him gasp. Hyunjin couldn't take that, resting his forehead on Felix's shoulder in confusion and desperation. "I don't know what's going on, but let's go to that fucking club. I'll do your makeup, alright? Make you even sexier-" He smiled, finally finding his voice and lifting his head to look down at Felix. He was flushed, eyes dark, but it looked like he'd held himself together.

 _"Will you follow me tonight?"_ Felix grinned, cocking his head.

* * *


	2. put your heart in the bag and nobody gets hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut beginneth here but just a bit. turns out im a tease. this is def gonna be at least 4 chaps.

Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin;   
and sin, when it is full-grown,   
gives birth to death.  
 **James 1:15**

The seven deadly sins unraveled from their coiled circle to reveal that they were a bouquet of snakes, each one growing like a long, delicate hair on Hyunjin's head. They whispered in his ears endlessly - he was no Medusa, he was helpless. A host to a parasite, something boiling deep inside him that he didn't recognize.

The rose-hued snake, with her long lashes and intelligent eyes, licked once at his ear, alerting him of her presence. _"You can touch him,"_ she said softly, voice low and husky and tingling as it entered Hyunjin's ear. _"He wants it, just look at him-"_ came the persuasions, and no longer could Hyunjin simply block them out. _"He's begging for you-"_

Hyunjin agreed with the snake, opening his eyes and erasing the visions. Nothing had changed in the past 5 seconds. Felix was still there, arms draped lightly over his shoulders, close enough that Hyunjin could feel his body heat. His pink lips were drawn up into a little smirk that made Hyunjin feel powerless. As though he should be dropping to his knees. But it was wrong, Felix shouldn't make him feel so vulnerable - he had to up the ante, show that brat who was really in charge here.

"I'll follow you," Hyunjin finally said, locking their gazes together. Black eyes meeting black eyes, mirrors of sin. "But you should be careful, Lixie." He smiled, slowly sliding his fingers beneath the light fishnet that covered Felix's tummy, hands easily cupping his small waist. Clearly not expecting that sort of reaction, Felix flushed a little pink - difficult to hide. 

"Why's that?" Felix asked innocently, before subtly rutting his hips against Hyunjin's. Error 404 - there was a blank moment, one wherein Hyunjin was unable to process what had just happened. He'd been half-hard for a while, something Felix had likely noticed, but to have it pointed out so blatantly was humiliating to the point where Hyunjin pulled away entirely, leaving the situation in search of his makeup kit, leaving a giggling Felix behind.

One last look over his shoulder - Lust whispered in his ear again. _"You could hold him like that,"_ she said, leaving Hyunjin wondering what she meant. Hold him...his waist had fit perfectly in his hands, too perfectly, and from behind it would be - Hyunjin almost went insane for a moment, Envy and Wrath and Pride nipping at his neck, poison seeping into him. Felix snickered. Hyunjin bit into his lip hard.

_"You could be the one to send him to hell."_

* * *

  


**0900LIXIE:** 진짜 파티에가는 건 처음이야! 걱정 되네요 ㅋㅋ  
_[ **view translation:** it's my first time going to a real party! i'm worried lol ]_

As soon as the picture had been taken, Felix took off his button-down and thin sweater, tossing them aside. Rolling his hips against the edge of the bed, Hyunjin felt more ashamed than he'd ever been in his life. "I'm not risking anything," Felix explained simply. "I know my parents would never find my finsta, but if anyone were to spread around pictures of me in this shirt..." He giggled, crossing his arms over his chest with an exaggerated innocence that was doing weird things to Hyunjin.

"I gotcha." Hyunjin said simply, opening his own phone to admire himself. He hoped he looked better than Felix. He wasn't used to feeling this sort of rivalry, seeing as the brat had never particularly posed a threat before. But it wasn't just envy, it wasn't just insecurity, it was a peculiar feeling of frustration that was so potent it had Hyunjin squirming in his seat.

"You look beautiful, by the way," Felix smiled sweetly. "Not that you don't always, but the pink suits you so well- you look like a doll!" He grinned. Funny Felix should mention dolls, since he barely looked real after Hyunjin had finished his makeup. Ethereal. Angelic. But such a sinful body, such an underlying evil that Hyunjin couldn't look away if he tried.

"It's getting late. We should go."

* * *

 **#1큐티큐티:** 그는 우리 학교의 왕자입니다. 이것은 확실합니다. ㅋㅋ ㅋㅋㅋ  
 **베이비01:** 나는 그가 너무 섹시하다고 생각한다. 나는 그를 바라 볼 수 없다.  
 **천사33:** 그는 위협적이다! 이것은 사실입니다! ㅋㅋ ㅋㅋㅋ 그러나 나는 그에게 데이트를 요청하려고 노력할 것입니다  
 **베이비01:** 당신이 그렇게하려고하면 나는 당신을 죽일 것입니다  
  
 **#1큐티큐티:** He's the prince of our school. That's for sure. lolololol  
 **베이비01:** I think he's too sexy. I can't look at him.  
 **천사33:** He's intimidating! That's true! Ha ha ha ha ha but i will try to ask him on a date  
 **베이비01:** If you try to do that i will kill you  
  
Hyunjin's stomach growled. How hungry, how hungry he could be. He liked it though, liked the empty feeling inside of him. It calmed him down, made him feel like he was in control of something. Browsing through his school's gossip page, he found plenty of girls discussing his looks. He tried his best to be social, tried to get himself out there, because _this_ was what he fed off of, not food. This was his sustenance.

Felix was in the bathroom. Hyunjin had been pissed off at him all day - maybe all week. Ever since his birthday, he'd been acting strangely, and it was starting to become something of a thorn in Hyunjin's side. Maybe it was this irritation that had fueled Hyunjin to start rifling through Felix's backpack. He didn't know what he was looking for exactly, something embarrassing, something stupid, something interesting -

There was the distinctive, slightly sticky feel of a small plastic bag in the front pocket of the backpack. Intrigued, Hyunjin yanked it out to examine it. Full of little pills, small capsules with orange caps. Through the clear half, Hyunjin could see they seemed to be stuffed with what appeared to be cream-colored beads - almost like Dippin' Dots. He looked at the text stamped on the front, but all he could make out was ' **30mg** ' printed out in clear letters before Felix returned and Hyunjin had to hide the evidence.

He wasn't quick enough, though. Felix saw the bag in his hand and gave him a look. Cold. Ice. Blank. Dead. Threatening. Warning. Scary.

Black.  
Black.  
Black and endless and Hyunjin and Felix never spoke of it again.

* * *

Fooled myself, almost forgot that I just wanna go home  
And I know this isn't like me, I just want people to like me.  
 **\- Sasha Sloan**

Jisung's shoulders felt exposed, armholes ragged after Minho had cruelly snipped off the sleeves. "Sexy," he'd purred after downing half a bottle of Merlot and finishing Jisung's makeup. "Definitely worth being my date for the night. But don't forget, you can leave with anyone you want. Bring anyone home. Tonight's about having fun, alright?" He'd grinned, wrapping an arm around Jisung's waist.

Jisung probably _still_ had butterflies from this incident, the whole way to the club - he couldn't even remember he'd been nervous about the bouncer, couldn't even remember he'd been nervous about the crowd. Unfortunately for him, that feeling didn't last long and he had to pop the benzos pretty much immediately, sucking in deep breaths on the dancefloor.

He wanted to impress Minho. He'd do _anything._ At least catch his attention somehow - he had to do at _least_ that much, right? Jisung's heart was racing and his legs were shaky but he was oh-so stubborn. He'd had anxiety for years and years and it was no big deal. No matter how much he shrunk and the crowd grew, no matter how much his brain Alice and Wonderland-ed the shit out of his reality, he was gonna get laid tonight. Be it with Minho or someone else, he was gonna pull it off.

His dark hair fell in his face as he danced, having lost track of both Minho and the time due to having popped the Xannies. Sweat dribbled down his forehead, ruining the delicately-applied eyeliner that Minho had sat so close to put on. The clenching feeling in his chest was starting to ease, his jaw going a little slack, soft and pliable and wrapped in the sweetest hug by the shitty EDM that blared throughout the speakers.

And suddenly, before him appeared an angel.

Just a little taller than him, body lithe and elegant and petite in all the right places. There was so much skin on show that Jisung didn't even know where to put his eyes, the skimpy white fabric adorning him barely doing a thing to hide his pretty figure. He smiled, little rhinestones glittering under his wide eyes. Pink lips glossy and formed into a heart shape. Kissable as fuck. 

But was Minho watching? There was no point if Minho couldn't see - Jisung scanned the club as quickly as he could before seeing something that hit him like a knife to the chest. Minho, in his stupid leather pants and questionable halter, was grinding on a man that looked like a legitimate supermodel. Tall and slim and cool with long hair and thick makeup and a smirk that suggested he knew what he was doing.

Of course. Jisung was an idiot to believe Minho had brought him here to party together. He wasn't there yet. But maybe, just maybe, he could take this cute blond back to the apartment so that Minho would have a surprise when he got home. A surprise that might make him realize some things. It was a pipe dream. Nah, it was a toilet paper tube dream. Actually fuck that, it was a straw dream and Jisung was screwed and he deserved to rail the little fucktoy the Lord hath bestoweth upon him tonight.

So he got a bit closer, smiling at him. The blond smiled back, before whirling around delicately and pressing his back against Jisung's front. The way he arched himself meant that the only real friction was that cute little ass grinding against Jisung's crotch. His breath hitched in his throat - this angel looked like a stripper and he couldn't help but grab him by the hips. So soft, so elegant, he slid his hands up his waist and shut his eyes. He forced himself not to pretend it was Minho, but he might've broken that promise. At any rate, he was hard as a rock and the blond turned to face him, whispering something in his ear.

_"I'm Felix. Wanna go somewhere else?"_

* * *

The rain came down in sheets, cold and harsh and Jisung was already completely soaked to the bone. Not that it made a difference to him, he would be freezing no matter what. He ducked through the alleyways until he found a place with enough shelter to protect him at least somewhat. His skin was sensitive, so sensitive - dotted all over with goosebumps. Paler than he could ever remember it being.

He didn't have the brain capacity to be ashamed of himself. There was one thing on his mind and one thing only - the pain and how to make it stop. Aches and cramps and sweating, sweating so hard that Jisung couldn't tell what was from the rain anymore. His prescription had run out around a month ago. 

Three weeks ago Jisung overcame his fear of needles.  
Two weeks ago Jisung made a grave error at work.  
One week ago Jisung was paying for everything in coins.  
And today, Jisung would overcome his fear of sleeping under the sky.

Wasn't there anyone he could call? He couldn't sleep like this, not at all. He'd be awake until he got something that hit his opioid receptors in just the right way, canceling out everything else and allowing him to blur away the world. But Jisung didn't know people who used these kinds of things, and the open-air market wouldn't be functioning due to the rain.

There was only one person in his contacts who might know about that sort of thing, and that was Minho. But Jisung couldn't let Minho see him like this, could barely work up the courage to text him a simple hello most of the time. It was then that Jisung's stomach seemed to turn inside out for a moment after a particularly menacing grumble. He retched and retched and it was acid, he knew it was just acid, and it hurt so bad -

The area stank of vomit now but it was the only dry place Jisung had found and so he had no choice but to stay there. Swallowing his pride, he called Minho. 

_Hello? Who is this?_

Even distorted through the phone, it was the same beautiful voice that Jisung had been so captivated by before, so captivated that he'd blown his last paper money on a meal for the two of them to share. It did sting a little knowing that Minho hadn't seemed to save his contact information, though.

"It's...it's Jisung, remember me? The guy who bought you that great dinner for your birthday?" He was trying to feign confidence but it was worthless, seeing as his voice warbled up and down like a ride of doom constructed by a 5th-grader on Rollercoaster Tycoon 3. Minho wasn't gonna buy it, and there was silence on the other end. Better cut to the chase. "Do you know where I could...buy some..."

_Of course I remember you. I was wondering why you hadn't hit me up on Instagram or something. But you sound kinda fucked, you know that?_

"I know I do, but hear me out, I'm in a really bad situation right now. I know you mentioned that you had a lot of...pills at your place, right? Lots of benzos at least, right? You were talking about that-" Jisung practically pleaded. He wasn't thinking clearly anymore, Minho's voice being his only anchor to reality. And just when he needed it most, it seemed as though the line went dead. 

"Minho? Are you still there?"

_Yes, I am, but if you'd been listening to me before, you'd know I don't touch that stuff anymore. Besides, what kind of person do you think I am? Giving someone younger than me benzos? What if you get hooked like I did?_

Jisung didn't want to get irritated, he didn't, but he was desperate and he didn't need to be lectured. "I don't even want fucking _benzos,_ I need to know if you can get me dope, and fast. I don't need questions or judgment or anything like that. Just answer the one question. Hang up if you don't want anything to do with this." He was surprised at the anger in his voice, and he hated himself for taking it out on Minho of all people - he fully expected the call to end there and then.

_I'm assuming you don't mean dope as in weed, right? Where are you right now, anyway? I can hear the rain._

Jisung was surprised by the response - it took him a second of blinking to process it.

"I'm...outside, why? Kind of near the station, I guess. Just taking a walk, I like the rain."

_I'm gonna text you the address of my apartment building, okay? When you get there, call me again. We can go to the roof and smoke a joint, it helps with withdrawals and...well, at least I know where to get that._

And _then_ the line went dead. Jisung's face was soaking wet and it took him a moment to realize that this time it was tears.

* * *

Jisung didn't learn much about Felix in the back of the taxi, seeing as most of the ride was spent making out, but he managed to pick up a couple of things -

 **1.** He was Australian, and his accent was sometimes a little thick.  
 **2.** He was a little kinkier than Jisung was used to, biting hard at his neck (which was a good thing, because maybe Minho would be jealous about the marks if he wasn't too busy screwing that stupid model guy)  
 **3.** He might've been on something - probably ecstacy judging by his dilated pupils and enthusiasm. Jisung didn't judge, seeing as he was pleasantly Xanned.  
 **4.** He had a friend called Hyunjin who he'd left behind and talked about an awful lot.  
 **5.** He had freckles. Jisung saw them when the lights of the taxi came on and forced them to separate from each other. 

The taxi had dropped them off right outside of Minho's apartment, and Jisung hurried Felix inside as quickly as possible, locking the door behind them. Felix pressed his small hands against Jisung's shoulders, backing him up against the wall of the entryway. His breath smelled like gum and Jisung's own mouth - bringing Felix here had made him real, and now Jisung was impressed with himself for playing this far out of his league.

"You're cute-" Felix smiled, bringing one hand up and running it through Jisung's hair. "I have an offer for you-" He continued, and there was a little tremor in his movements that threw his poise off for a moment. Just a moment, and then it was gone. Jisung was too horny to pay attention to his gut feeling, and he felt like he'd probably accept whatever offer this angel gave him.

"What is it?" He gasped, ashamed of how breathless and hard he was. Felix seemed to enjoy it though, rolling his hips against Jisung's slowly, sinfully - he was smiling and Jisung was moaning and he'd say yes a million times, even if Felix wanted to chop his dick off and sell it on eBay he'd go for it, just keep doing that, just like that, that's it-

"You wanna take my virginity?" Felix asked sweetly, looking Jisung right in the eyes. His tone was sugary and his cheeks were flushed and speckled and Jisung's thoughts were coming all at once and holy _shit-_

"You're a-"

"Yeah, I am- so what do you say? I'm legal, promise-" His voice was honey, it was really honey - it was sweet and Jisung was melting. He didn't want to think about any of this, and the Xanax was making that easy. Minho's name flashed through his mind for a split second but he forced it out and forced his tongue into Felix's mouth, gripping his ass roughly and grinding up against him.

"Ah-" Felix panted softly, a syrupy noise that Jisung gladly swallowed as he stepped forward. One thing that Felix and Minho had in common was a keen sense of intuition - immediately, he understood what Jisung meant by that one motion and gently clung to him, starting to walk backward towards the bed.

They crashed there together, on Minho's pink sheets - Felix's blond hair splayed out across Minho's cat-print pillow. "You're so pretty-" Jisung sighed, watching the way Felix's thick lashes batted up at him. There was something unusual in his eyes, and when they looked up at him, Jisung expected his future to appear like a Magic 8 Ball.

"You think so?" Felix smiled, guiding Jisung's hands down to the waistband of his shorts. His skin was warm and the room was bathed in equally warm light. Unsure of whether he was headed to Heaven or Hell, Jisung took the plunge.

* * *

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”  
 **― Oscar Wilde**

* * *

_Felix, can you hear me? You can hear me, right? Please listen to me, you can still stop this. You don't have to do this. You can pretend it never happened and go back to the way things were before. You can still fix this. I know it was harsh, I know it was- it was too far, we both know it. But we love you and you don't have to do this. You don't have to ruin things like this. If you take it back, if you just take it all back, I promise things can still be perfect. You can still be Mommy's good boy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEX CHAP: MINHO AND HYUNJIN GET NASTY AND JILIX POSSIBLY FUCK??? STAY TUNED.


	3. i weep and it's bitter from amphetamine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !?!?!?!?!!?JILIX HYUNHO?? ENCOUNTER???READ ON

  
“Like all pure creatures, cats are practical.”   
**– William S. Burroughs**

Minho didn't feel happy often. But dancing with Jisung, he'd felt something pretty close to it. He was tipsy but not drunk, high but not stoned, and even though Jisung clearly wasn't as relaxed as he would've been on a night in, he seemed to be enjoying himself too. There was an invisible leash that Minho had attached to him so as to not lose track of him - he wanted Jisung to be able to meet new people, but it was important to make sure he wasn't freaking out.

Minho held the leash while he went to the toilet and took a much-needed wine piss. He kept it between his knees while he washed his hands (which most people weren't doing, the consequences of living in a society of pigs) and he kept a firm grip on it while he went to the bar for another shot. 

But he let go of it. It was just for a second, and it was for a good reason, but he still let go of it and when he would realize later, it would eat at him endlessly.

For now, he was too preoccupied with The Reason. 

A tall, slim, pink-haired doll of a man in tight pants and an equally tight tank top. Minho considered himself to be beautiful. This, in his opinion, was common knowledge. But the little devil he saw before him was _gorgeous._ One of the only people Minho had ever seen that made him question whether or not he was pretty enough to even have a shot.

He questioned it, sure, but the answer was always gonna be yes. Of _course_ he was pretty enough, and he was gonna talk to him right the fuck now. He sauntered over, swaying his hips to the music, knowing all too well that he was turning heads on his way over. By the time he'd approached the object of his desires, the man was just as interested, black eyes trained to him. Hungry. Stupid.

_Perfect._

"Hey there-" Minho half-yelled, voice loud enough to be heard over the music, but just barely. "I'm Minho, what's your name? Can I buy you a shot?" He asked, resting a hand on the man's waist, relishing the way he shivered at the touch. He was nervous, that much was obvious, dark irises darting around the club as if looking for his mommy. Minho cooed.

"I'm Hyunjin," The man shouted before getting startled by the volume of his own voice. Was he tipsy already or just dumb? Either way, he reached out and grabbed Minho's hand, taking a step forward. "Of course you can buy me a shot." He grinned, face losing any intimidation factor that it'd had. He was _cute,_ and Minho was tipsy and horny and leading him over to the bar and ordering two shots of tequila -

Hyunjin threw back the shot like a pro but immediately gagged, retching and coughing as he struggled to swallow the burning liquid. Minho drank his like cough syrup, slow and steady and tipping his whole head back to allow it to slide down his throat as easily as possible. Hyunjin was flushed from his little display, tears glittering in his eyes and clearly inebriated.

"One more?" Minho asked like the Devil would, sugary and smooth like he was offering Hyunjin a helping hand. The dumb thing nodded and so before long, poor Hyunjin had another shotglass of liquid fire in front of him. He looked worried, but desperate to impress, and after he blinked away his tears, he tossed it back with conviction. The gulp was audible. He stumbled. 

But he'd done it.

"Look at you go-" Minho giggled, clapping his hands encouragingly. Hyunjin straightened his posture, making his way over to Minho with a glazed look in his eyes. His plump lips were red from the alcohol and he smashed them against Minho's gracelessly. Easy easy easy, and Minho was glad that _he'd_ been the one to find Hyunjin and not someone else.

They kissed like that for a while, before Hyunjin attempted to manhandle Minho up onto the bar. It was bold but very embarrassing, and Minho laughed his way out of it, ignoring the cheers of the other patrons and the grumbles of the bartender. He tried to escape from under Hyunjin, but it was proving to be difficult.

"That eager? You wanna do it in front of all these people?" Minho challenged, wondering what answer Hyunjin would give. His eyes were glassy and glazed and clearly, he wasn't much of a drinker. He slowly rose, allowing Minho to wriggle his way back to his feet and at least a meter away from Hyunjin.

"C'mere, princess. I'll take you back to my place-" Minho smiled, grabbing Hyunjin's now-sweaty hand and getting him from the bar to the exit and from there to his apartment. It was a short walk, but with the way Hyunjin was stumbling, Minho knew it'd take far longer than usual.

In that last moment, right before they hit the fresh air, he felt something twist in his stomach. He checked his pockets. Phone, keys, wallet, weed. All good.

"Do you just...look like that all the time?" Hyunjin asked. Surprised by the question, Minho turned to face him. He'd drunk himself silly but he was gorgeous all the same, even moreso now that there was a little light on his face. "So pretty-" He slurred. "So fuckin' pretty- let's hurry-"

* * *

I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason.   
**\- Edgar Allan Poe**

Felix liked the club immediately. But he liked it even more after a trip to the bathroom, wherein he'd reached into his pocket and dug out the small handful of Adderall that he'd saved up for tonight. The stall was disgusting and he had to position his feet skillfully around semi-dried piss puddles before crouching before the closed toilet.

Reaching into his other pocket, he pulled out his last paper money, rolling it up in preparation. He usually swallowed the capsules whole, but when an extra kick was necessary, insufflation was better. He gently pulled them apart, making sure no beads fell to the floor. Crushing them on the toilet lid with the bottom of his fist, he briefly wondered whether or not he'd get sick from doing this.

Felix should've cared more than he did. He snorted 4 thick lines and stood up, bitter taste dripping down the back of his throat and eyes wide wide wide, all pupil as always. He felt good, but more importantly, he felt focused. And focus was what he needed most if he was going to pull this off. 

Was he sexy? He wondered for a brief moment as he stared at his own reflection in the dirty glass of the bathroom mirror. Hyunjin had said so, but Hyunjin wasn't a reliable source. Felix supposed he'd get a fuckton of second opinions as soon as he made his way back out onto the dancefloor.

_"Don't leave me behind in there," Hyunjin said, anxiously peering into the club before turning back to look at Felix. "We should stick together-" Felix rolled his eyes and Hyunjin frowned, genuinely offended by the reaction. But more than that, he still seemed so bewildered by this whole thing. This side of Felix that he'd never seen before._

_"You've been complaining about being single an awful lot lately, Jinnie-" Felix said simply, looking him right in the soul. What he saw was so innocent that he couldn't ever be threatened by it. "This is a great place to meet guys, so why not try it? You look so good tonight, it'd be a shame to waste it."_

_Hyunjin was visibly conflicted. But with one last look at Felix, he scowled, having made up his mind. "Fine, then. I'll leave you alone so you can go be a whore by yourself. But don't come crying to me when someone takes advantage of you, Lixie. You're asking for it-"_

_It was mean of him to say, but it was all projection. In fact, Hyunjin was the one who was diving headfirst into the sharks as he dashed ahead into the crowded club. Felix would be fine. Felix could take a lot more than Hyunjin could._

* * *

Felix had touched himself many times, alone in his room. He knew the forbidden fruit intimately, and when he felt Jisung's small hands roam over his hipbones, it was plain to see that Jisung wasn't used to this sort of thing at all. He was cautious, so cautious, and it was cute. Perhaps Felix should've kept the fact that he was a virgin to himself.

He aided Jisung somewhat, reaching down and undoing the button of his shorts, sliding the zipper down tooth by tooth. "Do your parents know what you're doing tonight-?" Jisung whispered, rolling his hips against Felix's harshly. Those cautious hands slowly pushed Felix's legs up until they rested against his chest.

Jisung took advantage of the new position to pull Felix's shorts the rest of the way off, tossing them somewhere near the dresser. Felix realized a little too late that his short briefs were black, in startling contrast with the rest of his outfit. Jisung seemed to notice the juxtaposition too, front teeth digging into his lower lip as he groped the soft backs of Felix's thighs.

"Do they know you're out dressed like this?" Jisung snarled breathily, one hand trailing up Felix's tapered waist, hiking his shirt up over his nipples. Felix wanted to laugh at the attempted dirty talk - he knew Jisung was overcompensating for something. Wrapping his arms around small shoulders, he lifted himself up onto Jisung's lap in an impressive display of flexibility.

"They don't," Felix whispered, voice dropping an octave lower as he rolled his ass against Jisung's erection, which throbbed beneath him, so hard that he could feel it. "I don't care about them. Just want you to take me-" He sighed softly, more for Jisung's benefit than his own. A hurry-up signal. Take him to the volcano and drop him right inside. The final act of defiance.

* * *

Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless–like chasing the wind.  
 **Ecclesiastes 4:4**

Hyunjin didn't know if he'd ever been this drunk before. Usually, he limited himself to a glass or two of wine, but tonight he'd been angry. He still wasn't quite sure why, and it was even harder to figure out his emotions when he was under the influence. At least he had Mingo. Mingo was very very very pretty and very nice and was going to take him somewhere to have sex.

Hyunjin deserved to have sex with someone attractive. And he was pretty sure Mingo was objectively attractive, pure and simple - certainly more attractive than Felix, who had transformed into some weird angel stripper and basically ditched him. "Mingo Mingo Mingo-" He cried out, stumbling over his ankles as he tried to walk, dancing instead.

"That's not my name, sweetie-" Mingo said. Hyunjin laughed, clinging to his arm. He certainly had a dry sense of humor, that was for sure. Hyunjin's tongue lolled out of his mouth when he laughed, and he choked on his own spit like an idiot, tripping and falling to his knees in front of Mingo. The street was dark. It was empty. 

Hyunjin couldn't stand up, he knew that for sure. The world was fuzzy and prisming a little, fractured like a kaleidoscope when he leaned forward and clumsily yanked the zipper of Mingo's pants down. "What are you doing?" He asked, and Hyunjin couldn't answer. He was halfway to passing out but he really wanted to prove to Felix that he was nothing,  
he was nothing,  
Felix was nothing and   
_"Hyunjin, people could see us, you know-"_  
Hyunjin didn't see any people, he only saw his hands and the waistband of Minho's boxers and Felix was nothing, he was really nothing, and  
Hyunjin was sucking cock in the middle of the street, at 1am on a Saturday, with tears ruining his makeup-   
Hands in his hair,  
Cum in his throat,  
Cuts on his knees,

_Why was he everything?_

* * *

"Have you ever slept with a boy before?" Felix asked innocently, sinful hips bearing down on Jisung's cock, bouncing lightly as if to give him a taste of what was to come. Jisung had slept with guys before, but they were _guys_ , with hairy armpits and hairier assholes and sweaty ballsacks and weird grunts-

They weren't a thing like Felix, who was soft and elegant and pretty, not a thing out of place. Ready to be ruined. Jisung didn't know if he had it in him to ruin something so precious, and that made him worried. If he had this much trouble fucking Felix, how on Earth would he manage to do as he pleased with Minho, who was infinitely more precious and pretty?

"I have-" Jisung managed, grabbing at Felix's ass weakly. "But nobody like you, baby- nobody like you-" Felix responded with a giggle, sliding off of Jisung and pulling off his underwear, long legs elegant and moving fluidly like a dancer's. He almost didn't want to look, almost expected Felix to be blank down there like a Ken doll.

"What are you so shy for?" Felix snickered, spreading his legs. Jisung had never seen anything quite like it, his little hole pink and inviting and clean, dick a similar shade and just as smooth-looking, as if he'd been painted rather than born. "I opened myself up before the club," He continued, reaching down and spreading himself open as if to prove the point. "So you can just go ahead-"

Jisung's heart was tumbling, he felt dizzy and hard and he forced Felix's legs apart even further. "Fuck-" He panted, bringing a shaky finger down to Felix's rim, teasing it. The ring of muscle accepted him readily, easily, almost like he was being sucked inside. It was warm and soft inside of him and he was making the prettiest sounds, curling his toes deliciously, and Jisung wondered if Minho would be like this- would he? Would he cry out his name like that? Would he beg for more fingers? Beg for him to be rougher? Harder? Faster?

"Faster-" Felix panted, rolling his hips down onto Jisung's fingers. "Please, _faster_ -"

* * *

Minho wanted to cry, he wanted to cry, he needed to sober this kid up fast - he should've stopped him, but it'd been hot, it'd been so _cute_ , but it'd been wrong, right? And what was even more wrong was the fact that he'd left Jisung back at the club. And what was even more wrong was the fact that Jisung had his phone turned off.

The only choice was to go back to the apartment, make sure Hyunjin was okay, get him a taxi, and then go find Jisung. Minho hadn't wanted his fun night out to turn out this way, but he had a plan and he was gonna follow it. Hyunjin puked on the street when Minho tried to unlock the main entrance, an ugly sound that wasn't too dissimilar to the sounds he'd made on Minho's cock.

 _Hurry up,_ he thought to himself as he jiggled the key. _Faster-_

* * *

"Yeah? Faster-? Like that, you little slut?" Jisung teased, torturing Felix on the tips of his fingers. He writhed around breathlessly, kicking and moaning and grabbing at the sheets. Clearly, Jisung had found a nice spot, and this would be good practice for when he finally did this to Minho-

"Mmhmm--" Felix nodded, biting his lip. "Want it harder," He begged, fucking himself down as hard as he could manage, given his position. "Want you inside me, hurry-" His voice was so sweet, the tears that glistened in his eyes were so sweet, Jisung could almost forget about Minho. He really could, almost, almost,  
 _almost,_

* * *

" _Almost-_ " Minho urged Hyunjin, who looked desperate. "I've almost got it-" They were right outside the apartment door now, and with a final turn of the key and well-placed kick, they were in. The warmth of the apartment was immediate. The lights were on. Minho heaved a sigh of relief as he realized this meant Jisung was already home. He straightened his back, ready to apologize for everything.

"Jisung-" He called out, leading Hyunjin inside and shutting the door behind him. "I'm home-! And I brought a drunk guy with me! He's super pretty, you gotta check it out-" Minho grinned, stepping forward. Total silence met him. Hyunjin flung himself over the counter dramatically, resting his head in the sink.

Minho walked in a little further.

"Jisung?"

* * *

Hyunjin felt so much better after throwing up. He always did. Mingo's apartment was warm and dimly-lit and inviting, and when he heard Felix giggle from a little further inside, he wasn't sure if it was just because he was tipsy. He didn't feel fully drunk anymore, but his legs were still shaking like crazy. Maybe he was just going nuts.

When he was able to stand on his own, he stumbled into Mingo's bathroom, shutting the door behind him and slumping down onto the toilet to take a much-needed pee. Clicking open his phone, he was unsurprised to find no new messages from Felix. Maybe he could call him?

He tried.

A phone went off on the other side of the wall.

* * *

_We're leaving tomorrow. You've upset me and your mother greatly, Felix. You've shamed us. Publicly, too - who knows what kind of things you've been posting online. Do you have any idea how quickly the church will cut off our financial support if they find out my son is a-_

_Honey, stop- he knows, he knows, and it's not too late to fix this-_

_No, it's too late. Get in the car, okay? Just get in the car. Felix, I trust you won't ruin the house. You've got a lot to think about._

_Lixie, pray- pray, okay? God can fix you-_

_I told you to get in the car- look, let's just go. He's crying again. Clearly, he doesn't feel too bad about it or none of this would've happened._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOZ THIS WAS A BIT SHORT. THE NEXT CHAP IS KIND OF LONG

**Author's Note:**

> LEAVEE A COMMMENT IF U LIKED


End file.
